i wish i could tell you things were looking up. they only seem to get worse. my stepdad has cancer in his sinus. how disturbing. what an ugly thought.
i'm determined to make this man proud.
oh yea, i have a call back for a miley cyrus music video. yay. i dont really care for the industry anymore, except for the fact that i can make 850 dollars in two days. thats more than i make in three weeks. and i'm still getting residual checks from that allstate commercial i did last year! anyways... pray
you know those people who say they'll be for you no matter what, especially when you feel like shit? where are those people? or are they the ones making me feel like shit... i don't get why people think i'm fuckin immortal. just because i'm usually the one making others feel better doesnt mean i don't expect it in return. i'm just too nice to say anything. but thats when i know where to set my standards and expectations. very low. if anyone knows me well, you'd know that i'm very good at assessing situations and figuring out ways to deal with them. but when i'm dealing with people of the opposite nature there is little to nothing i can do. except maybe sit and be frustrated and walked over until i just decide to snap and break a dish or knock something over. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. wtf. what is it? what is it? i don't get it. i don't get it. what did i do. tell me tell me tell me tell me.
i rly dont enjoy being overwhelmed... somebody gimme a break.
the other night I put together a little photoshoot with Caesar Sebastian. I was more than happy to help him build his portfolio, on his pursuit of getting a masters in imaging (very impressive, by the way). Turns out, in addition to being an amazing photographer, he's an extremely nice person which made it really easy on me to work with him (considering I'm not necessarily a 'model').
We took a few shots in my lovely room (that's a joke, if you've never seen my room then I guess you wouldn't get it srry haha)
drank a few beers,
kept an ice pack at the ready (cuz it was mad hot that day),
...and then drove around Hollywood for a while looking for spots to do some dope night shots.
ps. I rather enjoyed the comments on my pictures left on his flickr :D
but, i really do wish i could somehow take all the people i've been with and pick at them like playdough (taking out only the good parts) and smushing them all together into one super being.. i hate LA. its impossible to find good people here.. like genuinely all-around good people who's last thought is drama.. especially with other people.. i'm so grateful i grew up just far enough away to where i couldnt be corrupted by all this shit.. now its just so hard to find my place in all of it.. i mean, granted, i have a place, no doubt i just groove right in, but as far as the people go, in general, i just cant dig that.. ya know?
ew, do i sound like some stoned hippie or beatnik or wannabe mediocre philosopher.. like i've made some prophetic discovery as to the real human nature of everyone i've encountered? this shit is so painfully obvious.. and it's embarassing to think that my judge of 'good' character would allow me to associate myself with people knowing that they can't see what's clear as fucking day, just because idk... maybe it wont make for an interesting story for them to yam about the next day with other people who've also devoted their lives to such petty crap. whatever.. take it as you will
I'm really burned out on drama. I have enough to deal with as it is.. I'm just working on downsizing things that dont necessarily pertain to the sustenance of life. Not to get all Malcolm, but I do mean by any means necessary. Even if that means resorting to violence.. or the use of firearms.
Other than that, I actually had a lot of fun last night with everyone.. cept DAVID fell asleep and didn't come. lol.
My real name is Jessica. I live in Los Angeles. Here's where I leave my thoughts, ramblings, and overall mind junk. Feed your mind with someone else's perspective & feel free to comment.
